The Road To You
by wavyally
Summary: The road to redemption is long and sorrowful, and Ben Solo is not sure what lies ahead for him but he knows that if the past must die then so must Kylo Ren. / A Ben Solo redemption story. (Reylo & Stormpilot)
1. Supreme Leader Kylo Ren

_There is a road all must take. There is a time feet must bleed from the long walk that lies ahead. There will be stumbles over jagged gravel and upturned roots, but this is a road all must take. This is the road that redemption demands: bloodied cobblestones, a forest of disappointment to show you your true face, a sea of heartache to bring you to your knees so that you may rise again. This is the road that takes you to you. This is the road that sheds away all false pretenses, every false pretender you have tried to be; this is the way. The way ahead is sorrowful with storming clouds waiting; they wait to pour themselves onto your broken soul and your healing body. Cleansing will always sting, falling is necessary, and breaking is also becoming._

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. The title rolled off the tongue, yet as Kylo sat in the solace of his throne room, feeling like anything other than a king or a leader, A haunting thought occurred to him.

 _Did Vader feel this way? Was Anakin lonely?_

Kylo clenched an ungloved hand and pushed away such thoughts. He ignored the biting feeling of regret, of dread, of the true feeling underneath all others- _sadness._ But, then it happened in a blink. The emptiness of his dark throne room had been sliced with the disruptive sound of lilting laughter. The mellifluous sound was so joyous and _light_ it did not belong in a place devoid of such things. Kylo felt the familiar tug, like being on the end of a string, and then he saw _her._ Her laugh was what filled the silence of his throne room.

Kylo could not see anything but her; there was only her. There was a moment that she had not noticed his presence, a moment that was less than a second but for that miniscule moment he saw her. He saw the tightness in her shoulders, the dullness of a laugh that did not reach her eyes. She wasn't as happy as he knew she was pretending to be, and Kylo did not relish in this.

Kylo saw the moment Rey knew their force bond had brought them back together. She froze mid laugh, stood straight, and turned. Her eyes narrowed at him in the same way they did when she had called him a monster. He did not flinch. He deserved that look in her eyes for he had been the one to put it there, though in the haze of her hatred he could still the green in them. Secretly his favorite shade of green in the whole galaxy, and he had seen it all.

"Rey," Kylo breathed out her name like a whisper.

Everything faded and there were only infinities and cosmos in the space between them. They stood on two sides of the galaxy, behind different lines, yet in this space where there was nothing Kylo felt _everything_.

"Rey," Kylo said again, louder and sure.

"What do you want from me?"

Kylo was sure that Rey meant to sound more biting, more unrelenting, but she only sounded tired. He shook his head at her. "Nothing." It was true. He wanted nothing from her; he just wanted _her_.

Rey breathed in deeply. She was frustrated, he guessed, but she was keeping him out. He deserved that.

"I never meant to hurt you." He wasn't sure if he was apologizing or stating a fact, it had been a long time since he was sorry for something. Kylo was starting to be sorry for everything.

Rey blinked back tears. She was angry. He knew it in the way her lips had formed a tight line and refused to say anything. She was going to turn away from him, he knew it and he deserved it.

"I trusted you." Rey's voice shook ever so slightly. "I _believed_ in you."

Kylo nodded. "I know. Do you still?"

Rey said nothing. She stood straight, looked him once over, and as he knew she would, Rey turned away. Kylo watched her go, an odd lump in his throat. He knew she'd leave, but he did not know the way it would feel.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. It rolled off the tongue but the taste was bitter. He had everything, but nothing he wanted.

/

 **Short and sweet first chapter, see ya in the much longer, more emotionally loaded second chapter!**


	2. Rain

Rey didn't sleep much anymore.

The raging nighttime storms were not to blame, nor the loud voices of what little remained of the Resistance. Rey could sleep through anything, but she could not sleep through _this_ : In her dreams, Rey was plagued by visions of joined hands, of peace to the galaxy, and harmony in the Force; all surrounded by blinding light where darkness did not just coexist with the light, but needed it. Rey was haunted by images of brown eyes, pleading for things she could not give. Before she'd wake in a haze of sweat and sadness, the last thing she'd hear would be the desperate sound of the word _please_.

No; Rey did not sleep much anymore.

Rey didn't recognize how much she needed a good night's rest until her tiredness turned to aggregation.

"You okay, Rey?" Finn had asked one morning, the two of them sharing a morning breakfast.

They had been inseparable once she had returned. In the wake of her training with Luke, his death, and the downfall of what had happened on Snoke's ship, Rey was grateful for the friendship she found in Finn. He was the one person she could be completely honest with. So, she had told him that no, she was not okay.

Finn didn't question her; just nodded and pushed the cup of caf to her. Rey saw him eye her as she sipped at the hot drink that she was becoming fairly dependent on to function during the day. "What?"

"Wanna talk about it?" Finn asked, carefully.

Did she? Rey wasn't sure. She didn't know how. Where would she even begin? She hadn't been open with anyone about what she'd been through, not with her dearest friend, and not even with Leia. Perhaps Rey was itching to talk, to let go all that she had been carrying, but the one she truly wished to talk to… she couldn't.

"No," Rey decided, gulping the scolding caf. "I don't want to talk."

* * *

If Rey were asleep the sudden sound of blaring alarms would have violently woken her, but Rey didn't sleep anymore.

When the screeching sound came, Rey instantly reached for the lightsaber and calmly joined the chaos of running Resistance fighters. Rey tried to survey the madness, to pick up something of what was happening so late into the night, but no one seemed to know.

"Rey!"

Finn had run to her, still in his night clothes but eyes wide and awake. "What's happening?"

Rey shook her head, clenching the saber in her hand. Why did she itch to light it? "I don't know," she said, but took his hand and began to lead them down the hall and toward the direction everyone seemed to be running to.

Rey thought the hallways were madness, but the war room was something else entirely. Orders were being shouted out, weapons preparing to fire, pilots running to their ships, and at once Rey understood. She had just leaned over to explain to Finn, but did not get the chance, for Poe Dameron had ran up to them. He was wet and panting and Rey wondered if Poe had already taken a flight outside.

Finn shifted awkwardly on his feet as Poe approached, which Rey found odd. Finn was hardly ever awkward.

"The First Order is just outside our atmosphere!" Poe shouted over the voices of those around them.

 _So I was right_ , Rey thought bitterly to herself.

"By some miracle they don't know we're here," Poe explained, looking from Rey to Finn quickly as he spoke, like he had no time. "We have the element of surprise! They won't see us coming!"

Rey's head snapped up and her stomach dropped.

"What do we do?" Finn asked Poe, excitedly.

Rey did not feel the same. "No," She shook her head. "We can't do that. People live here! This isn't an uninhabited planet we can just bring war to!"

Finn and Poe looked at Rey, utterly confused and astonished. "Rey-" Poe began, but Rey stopped him.

"No!" Rey urged. "They don't know we're here, just let them pass over. No one gets hurt this way."

"This is the only chance we have!" Poe fought, a frown etched into his face.

"We need this," Finn agreed. "We have to attack while we can and while they don't see it coming."

Rey shook her head, and angrily shoved her way into the middle of the room where Leia stared sharply into the screen before her. Rey's eyes were narrowed so intensely the people around her moved from her and eyed the lightsaber suspiciously as they did so.

 _It seems they're afraid of more than just the First Order_ , Rey thought most interestingly.

"General," Rey said to Leia. "You must call of the attack."

Leia said nothing. Her eyes would not leave the screen. Rey ground her teeth and turned to look at the screens but froze when she saw the ship that spread across the screen. What was once Snoke's ship, but now belonged to _him_ was the one that passed overhead.

 _What kind of twisted force of fate?_ Rey questioned bitterly.

"Leia…" Rey's eyes wouldn't look away from the screen.

"It's our only chance." Leia said, but she sounded doubtful.

Pilots took off and Rey saw them litter the sky. What she saw was no opportunity to bring down the First Order. When the dark, sleeping sky lit up with colors of gunfire all Rey saw was the death of people who did not ask for war to come to their planet.

The First Order ship fired back almost immediately. On the screen before her and Leia, Rey could see the significant damage that had come to it by the unforeseen attack, and in a sudden moment between seconds, Rey's blood ran cold and her stomach dropped painfully.

She didn't _see him_ , but she _felt him_. The feeling was jolting at first; it had been so long since they were connected through the Force Bond. Rey gripped the chair beside her when the overwhelming tidal wave of despair flooded her entire being. She knew what this was, the despair she felt came from _him_. The screen beside the one that showed the First Order's ship was one that showed footage of the damage and devastation that was befalling the once unsuspecting and peaceful planet and Rey was blindsided by the knowledge once again that in _him_ existed conflict.

 _Press it._

Rey's body jerked. The sudden intrusive voice that did not belong to her echoed in her mind, and in a desperate plea, _he_ had breached the Force Bond.

 _I know there's a firing button. Press it!_

Rey blinked, astonished and confounded. _He_ was desperate and anxious. Rey looked to the hand Leia had hovered over the button that would deliver the devastating blow, but Rey noticed the tremor in Leia's hand.

"I can't do it," Leia said softly. Her eyes were wide as she watched the Resistance pilots fire at the First Order ship, yet in the same way Rey felt conflict in _him_ , she felt it in Leia.

 _Rey! Press it! Now!_

 _His_ voice bellowed in her mind. She didn't understand why _he_ was asking her to do such a thing, and she didn't even understand how _he_ knew of the button, but in a moment of rash decision making, she did as _he_ asked. Not for _him_ but maybe in spite of _him_ , she pushed Leia's hand aside and slammed her hand on the button. Immediately, the ceiling above her opened up and the largest blaster the Resistance had aimed at the First Order ship.

Rey couldn't give words to describe the way Leia looked at her. Around them was thunderous applause, but Leia seemed to look sick. Rey did not understand what had just happened in the Force Bond, it had left her shaken, but for whatever reason _he_ had begged for her to do it, and that was what had been most confusing.

Rey leaned forward to Leia and whispered underneath her breath. "He asked me to."

As Rey turned away to leave the war room, she did not miss the shock on Leia's face and the feeling of gratitude in a faraway place inside her, the place she knew that connected her to _him_.

* * *

Underneath a leaking tarp, Rey fiddled with the Skywalker lightsaber. On and off, on and off, silently pleading with it to tell her something new. She begged to know its secrets, to relieve it of the pain she knew it felt, for she had felt it, too.

 _On_.

The luminescent blue of the saber reflected off her face and Rey wondered how many times it had been Anakin Skywalker to sit in her place, to plead for some sort of revelation out of this _meaningless_ , _breakable_ , _object_ that idealized peace and perfection. How many times had Anakin been in this very same place and _doubted_? Was doubt the tether that pulled Anakin into the Dark Side? Was it that same doubt that had done the same to…. Rey swallowed a hard lump in her throat.

 _Off_.

Rey pocketed the lightsaber in her pack and turned away from it, though she could feel it still. The saber seemed to _cry_. Rey felt its agony caused by years of abuse and neglect. The saber, though never used to its truest ability, still called out its allegiance and she knew it wasn't to her. Rey didn't mind, but she didn't know how to give the saber what it wanted, what it _needed_ to find peace. Rey rubbed at her nose and stared furiously out at the pouring rain. This anger was eating at her and it had been all _his_ fault.

"Uh, hum."

The sound of someone clearing their throat came from behind Rey. In an attempt to refrain from rolling her eyes, she glared at the rain as if it were the source of all her heartache then turned.

General Leia, nearly hidden beneath the hood of her cloak, smirked knowingly. Rey was irritated.

"I'm going to join you," Leia stated as she sat next to Rey, the rain splattering over Leia's boots.

No one would deny Leia anything, and Rey respected Leia far too much to disrespect her time, but Rey had wanted to be alone.

"You're sulking," Leia stated again, and Rey wasn't sure if Leia ever spoke in a questioning way. Leia as sure and steady; Rey admired that mostly, but today it bothered her.

Leia faced Rey and rose a brow. "You're sulking and messing with Anakin's lightsaber. Tell me what's happened, maybe I can help."

Rey felt the anger again. A parasite that was eating her from the inside, leaving so little of her Rey couldn't recognize herself. This made her resentful. She resented Luke, she resented the Force, she resented the Jedi order, she resented everything yet she could not bring herself to resent _him_ , because even after all that had happened Rey still understood _him_ , but didn't at all.

"You can't save him," Leia said softly, understanding what was really upsetting Rey. "You shouldn't want to save him, Rey."

Rey shot her eyes to Leia, yet Leia held a hand up. "He needs to save himself. You cannot be the one to do it for him."

In the same way Rey felt the conflict in Anakin's lightsaber, so did she still feel it in... _him_. Rey hated that she couldn't bring herself to say _his_ name, yet.

"There is still good in my son," Leia said what Rey already knew, but Rey didn't know how to win this battle.

"Ben Solo is not finished yet." Leia had said this with such vigor, Rey looked into Leia's eyes. For the first time, Rey noticed that she shared her eyes with her son. They were vastly different, but underneath all the bravado, the pride, and the stubbornness, they were the same deep brown.

Rey sighed heavily and rubbed at her eyes, suddenly very tired. The lightsaber behind her seemed to exude its tiredness as well; Rey found it draining to carry not only her own emotions, but that of the cursed lightsaber.

Rey dug the tip of her boot into the soaked mud. She felt heavier than she had in her entire life, like the galaxy rested all its stars and universes on her shoulders. Would she be strong enough to bear it? Rey didn't know anymore. It all made her feel incredibly alone.

"What do I do?" Rey asked in a soft trembling voice. If she was going to shoulder the whole damn galaxy she would, but she'd do it with tiredness and weakness because it seemed that this was all she had. There was no other way. There could not be perfection. She could not be perfection.

Leia's hand came up to cup Rey's face. "You do the thing that's hardest."

Rey took a shuddering breath. She still didn't understand. Leia wrapped an arm around Rey's shoulders and with her free hand smoothed away the hair that clung to her wet forehead. Rey let Leia hold her and knew that this is what it must feel like to be comforted by a mother.

Suddenly, like a kick to the chest that takes your breath away, Rey knew she was not alone in her mind. She became aware that she was housing a second passenger and knew at once the Force had brought them together again, and unwelcome.

Leia was not aware of the sudden change in Rey, who was now Rey and _him_. Leia continued her soothing motions of running her hand over Rey's wet hair, and Rey began to cry. Her tears came softly at first, like she was trying to hold them back but no longer could. A terrible lump formed in her throat and her heart had felt devastatingly heavy. The slow tears that fell from her tightly shut eyes became wrenching sobs and Leia only held tighter. The sobs grew and grew until it seemed they were more of screams, and still Leia held tightly; bringing Rey in closer. Rey had never felt such gut wrenching emotions, and against what she thought she wanted, she truly understood _him_ , for the guilt, the depression, the self disgust she felt had not been hers at all, but _his_. Rey was not sure where she ended and _he_ began, but she knew that Rey was no longer the one Leia had been comforting, and Rey was absolutely sure that Leia knew.

 _Why is this happening?_

 _His_ voice was clear in Rey's mind though she heard _his_ sobs and breaking voice. Rey didn't know why this was happening, but perhaps it was the thing that needed to happen, the hard thing that Leia had said. So, Rey let _him_ in; totally and unrestrictedly. Rey did not need to ask how Leia knew, for the Force was strong in Leia, so when she took Rey's face in her hands and whipped the tears away, Rey was not surprised when Leia had called her _his_ name.

Leia looked fiercely into Rey's, perhaps hoping that if she looked hard enough she'd see brown and not green. Leia kissed her head then said, "It's okay, Ben."

It was odd; to feel what _he_ felt and for _him_ to feel what she felt, but when she felt just the smallest sense of remorse and Lisn't, Rey knew that when she said _he_ was their last hope so long ago to Luke, she was not wrong.

There was work still yet to be done, forgiveness still yet to be given, and acceptance still yet to be received, but when Rey opened her eyes and saw _him_ red faced and broken before her, she was not without hope. She felt the Light connecting them, she felt the Dark swirling around them, and in the middle was only the Force.

When their eyes met, there was not an overwhelming rush of words, they didn't need them. There was only understanding, and somewhere deep, there was love. Whatever it meant.

Rey opened her hand out to _him_. It was hard to breathe. Rey was painfully aware of another moment like this, her hand outstretched with _him_ so close and so far away. _He_ had taken her hand the last time and she had seen such wonderful things, but _he_ had turned time and time again.

 _He_ didn't move at first, and Rey's hand shook as she waited and pleaded. With a urgency and hopefulness, Rey said _his_ name.

" _Ben_."


End file.
